batshit-auspol:

batshit-auspol:

a-girl-with-sparkling-lies:

batshit-auspol:

As a holdover from when churches used to run schools, many states in Australia legislate that the local church can come into schools to teach religion classes for an hour each week.

These ‘scripture teacher’ roles generally do not require any formal education training, and can be filled by just about any random off the street, which means that for one class a week Australian students are subjected to some of the most unhinged people on earth teaching them all kinds of made up stuff with zero supervision.

Aussies: This is a free thread to reply with the stories of the funniest things your scripture teachers said or did when you were a kid.

Ours always gave us Christian themed crosswords that she made herself, but she could never format them properly for some reasons so some boxes had two letters in them, and some had little doodles of flowers or crosses to fill gaps (????).
She also told us candy canes were shaped that way because they are a J for Jesus (this is, shockingly, not true), and easter eggs are actually not eggs but a chocolate representation of the stone rolled in front of Jesus’ tomb (this is also, SHOCKINGLY, not true)

This is exactly the kind of unhinged educational material we’re talking about!

Also shoutout to this gold in the tags:

And we forgot, “having to sit in silence on your own for an hour” was up until recently the most common alternative if your parents opted you out of the dumpster fire:

Keep em coming!

Okay this has very much broken containment outside of Aussie tumblr, but we’ve read back through the *hundreds* of amazing replies and here are a handful of the most Batshit so far:

Pretty sure this one is a legit hate crime:

And the absolute pinacle:

(via shock1203)

assiraphales:

assiraphales:

society really lost the war when dressing nice / slutty = “gay” “metrosexual” “is he 💅🏻”. we had decades of men wearing crop tops and short shorts without blinking an eye and now it’s ye ole pilgrim standards and talk of scandal if they show their knees

they were FASHIONISTAS!!! and we SHAMED them!!!

(via shock1203)

froody:

froody:

honey, I was thinking that we could spice things up in the bedroom by turning the heat off and pretending to be gold prospectors in the Yukon during winter who have to have sex to avoid freezing to death. how does that sound, babe?

oh so temperature play is fun when it’s hot wax but god forbid I try to save us some money

(via shock1203)

shera-dnd:

tbposting:

not for nothing but “chastity until marriage” and “lifelong strict monogamy” is every bit as much kink as piss or free use or knotting is. we just don’t call it that because those weirdly specific and highly fetishized sexual practices are institutionalized and considered normative.

what are traditional catholic values if not just an overly elaborate and widely accepted version of a breeding kink

(via shock1203)

viktor-the-leshen:

fiishbones:

this is tbe funniest fucking comment

God can’t save a man he didn’t make

(via shock1203)

pidgefudge:

princesszeldaz:

princesszeldaz:

this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in any review ever

(via shock1203)

mariacallous:

(via asatauren)

sitstaystoned:

it’s called duckweed. one hit and you’ll be lining up behind mom

(via lokaror)

veeranger:

fromhalcyon:

michaelgovehateblog:

I don’t think we can trust the guardian as a reliable news source on anything from now on

ok but consider this

also ratio

(via asatauren)

coffeeebomb:

“You starve Tara? You leave her to starve like lowly stray? Jail! Jail for one thousand years!”

Not pictured: the rest of camp waking up and all hell breaks loose.

Welp, this game has unexpectedly taken over and lives in my head rent free to the point it actually jump started the will to art lmao.

(via shock1203)